December 7, 2011

Fear of Avatar?

I have been hearing a lot lately about this book "What Women Fear: Walking in Faith That Transforms" by Angie Smith.
I just ordered it because I think it is a book I need to read.  My life is directed a lot by what I fear.  Before I do anything I overthink it by 1000 percent.  This has always driven my friends and family crazy!

Does this look good?  Should I take this road?  Will that shoe match better than this one?  How does my hair look?  Is my makeup too dark?  Does this taste allright?  Which colour yarn matches with all these others?  Should I go now or later? And on and on it goes!! 

It gets really old, really fast.

I just don't know how to trust in myself and not worry about what the consequences will be.  What is the worse that can happen?

In my mind - the worse is that I will be judged and rejected.  I have had my fair share of rejection in my life.  I have let it define who I am for most of my life.  I have to say - I am better than what I was years ago - but I still live EVERY DAY with that FEAR. 
Somedays that fear grinds me into the ground.

I have long been trying to pinpoint what my exact fear is and I think I may have figured it out - at least part of it.  I think my biggest fear is that people will "see" me (think Avatar).
What if someone "sees" who I really am - and decides that I am just not worth their time.  Or not good enough for them, and then rejects me.  Throws me out.

This leads me to an even better question: Why do I care? 

But I do. 

I try to cover up that I don't, and say to myself  "Well, if they don't like who I am - they aren't worth having in my life!".  But the truth is - I truly, to the depth of my soul,  care. 

And that is where the seed of my FEAR lies burried.

I try and hold fast to God's promise in Isaiah 41:13 that says:

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

God sees me competely and he thinks I am AMAZING!  He sees all my fun and special things, and he also sees my weird and horrible things.  Yet he thinks I am wonderful and calls me "HIS"!

He knows all my fears and holds my hand to help me walk through that fear to the other side. 

What do you fear?  Will you let God hold your hand?

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December 2, 2011

Link Party

Just over a week ago I was asked to join a "Link Party" on a fellow crocheter's blog.  AnneMarie asked me to submit the picture of the Missoni Blanket I made for my oldest son.  She had seen it on Flikr and really loved it.  (I will post pics of that blanket soon!).

Every week AnneMarie has a "Link Party" for people to submit their creations, and then on the Sunday she opens up voting and there is a winner for that week. 

I was asked to join again this week and have decided to enter in my "Sassy Monkey" hat that I made for my friend's little girl a couple of weeks ago.

This hat has been a huge hit.  I made a similar one for my other friend's little boy in the traditional colours of Red, White and Tan.  They look adorable on them and I wish I had some pictures of them wearing them so that you could "Ooooh" and "Ahhhhh" over them too!

So if you want - head over to AnneMarie's Blog AnneMarie's Crochet Blog on Sunday and vote for me and my Sassy Monkey Hat!  I am number 40 in the link submissions.  I appreciate the support!

On unrelated business, I went to my LYS (local yarn store) yesterday and picked up some gorgeous goodies!  I'm sooooo excited to get started on this little Christmas Gift project with my daughter!  Here is a sneak peak of the heavenly fibres!  Bet you can't guess what we are going to do with them!  Stay tuned to see the final product!  It's going to be great!  Have a wonderful weekend with your families!

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December 1, 2011

On a side needle

I am still working on the border for the blanket I showed you yesterday.  I have about 1 1/2 more rows to go until freedom!!

A few weeks ago I was in a blanket overload and needed to do something different.  So I decided to teach myself something I have been dying to try FOREVER!  Knitting on double pointed needles. 
This has intimidated me for years and I have been putting it off, so I finally decided that enough was enough.  I know how to knit on 2 needles, how difficult can it be if millions of other knitters can do it?  Haha - famous last words.

I pulled up some YouTube videos, checked out tutorials all over the web, and even read some knitting forums to guide me through this black hole.  I decided my first project on dpn would be this Thermis Cowl by Kris Knits.
Isn't it GORGEOUS!  So after a couple sips of my Pinot Grigio, and some deep breaths, I tackled this challenge.  Now don't get me wrong, I may be clever, but there is something about 5 tiny, sharp, demon possessed needles that almost drove me over the edge.  This is the reason I put learning this off for so long, haha.

Well, after a day or so(ok 4!), I finally mastered those needles.  Ok not quite - but I actually managed to knit up about 1 inch on those bad boys!  Yay!  This is the picture of what I completed!
At this point I am prancing around my house giggling and showing off to my kids and hubbie my masterpiece, and then I take a closer look when I stretch it out......and on EVERY pattern for dpn it tells you to MAKE SURE YOUR STITCHES ARE NOT TWISTED.  Easy right?????? Not so much.  Ya, you got stitches are twisted.  YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! 

That is when I gently, and gracefully (with no frustration, or beeping words of any kind), set aside my beautiful dpn Thermis Cowl to work on another day.  It will be ripped apart and I will begin again.  Patience is a virtue right?!  ARGH!

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November 30, 2011

It's been awhile

I guess its been more than a little while......I kind of go through cycles with this blog.  I am really going to try to stay consistant...we will see.

I want this to be more of an outlet for me to say what's on my mind and what I am going through at this moment.  I try to be "real" and "transparent" in my daily life.  But those are words that are so over-used and is anyone ever that real?  Does anyone really want to know people's "real" actions, thoughts, or feelings?  Maybe that is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION haha.

Well I will be as real as I can and see where that takes me!

Trying to finish off a Christmas gift at the moment.  In June I had the great idea of making a blanket for each of my kids for Christmas.  Great idea, maybe I should have thought about it in January instead of June!!!

I have been crocheting NON STOP now for 5 months!  Don't get me wrong - I do love it...but under a time constraint it does get a little bit panicky sometimes!!!  But I am on the last blanket and its ALMOST done!  Yayayayaya!  I am just on the border - it's the home stretch!

I will post pictures of each of the blankets at some point - but here is a picture of the one I am finishing up now.  Its called "BullsEye".  It is in my son's favorite colours and I love the pattern and the colour combination.  I have to say I am not thrilled about how I joined the blocks.  They are raised slightly from the Slip Stitch Join that I did.  Next time I will try a Slip Stitch, Chain 1 join. I still love it though and I know my little guy will love it too!!

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